For whatever the reason, life feels like just a spot of still, quiet at the moment. After a beyond crazy summer and fall, it seems like we are finally settling in. Our house is coming into it's own. Adah is a part of the fabric of our lives, and slowly we've figured out how to integrate her presence into the lives we knew before babe, which feels so freeing when I think about those early, sleepless weeks where I wondered if I'd ever remember what it was like to just be me again, relishing in the person I am and the things I love (hello, symbiosis, you beautiful and daunting beast). Last week I managed to send off Christmas letters (since I did not manage baby announcements or thank-yous or we've moved cards...), the gifts are not wrapped but are nearly ready, my fall semester grades have been submitted, we are sharing meals with friends in our home, and we have a joyous little spirit who is on the very verge of crawling. We are reclaiming our rhythm, slowly but surely. What a beautiful place to be.
And so other than going on and on about this any longer, I intentionally started this message because I wanted to share two different sermons from the past few weeks that I feel are definitely worth the share. Thinking about them has been another piece of the puzzle of coming together over these winter days...
Links to both sermons can be found on our church's message archive. The first is Tim's sermon Walking the Line from November 28. This sermon is, in essence, about religious legalism. It's been several weeks now since I heard it, so I don't want to attempt to recreate the message and do so poorly, but I'll just go as far as to say it hit home. Tim really spells out the roots of legalistic thinking, in a way that is both compassionate but clear, and challenges us to break out of those patterns. If you know me, you know that religious legalism is a hot button issue for me (thus my ELCA roots come out through and through), and so I must share this message.
Today's message (which is actually from two Sundays ago online - the downtown site is one week behind and we had a snow day last Sunday, so I just heard it today), Jesus Gives Up His Status, was so convicting to me. Matt talked about this invisible staircase that is so woven into our lives - the way we think, the way we relate to others, the subtle or not so subtle ways we compare ourselves to everyone else. Mmm. Talk about convicting. I am so so so victim to this. And honestly, I challenge the authenticity of anyone who says that they are somehow beyond such comparison - we are enculturated from the earliest of ages to compare, be better, and prove ourselves as more worthy than others. I am finding this to be so relevant to my life in the moment...because I have chosen to be a working mother, or maybe just because of the nature of my very being, I always feel that I am falling short. I could dance more and I'd be a better teacher and therapist if I only have more free hours in the day to devote to it, and on the flipside I'm not a good enough mother because I'm not with Adah 24/7 doing what so and so is doing with their babies. We live in this culture where we are never enough, where we're in a race that has no finish line - we must always be better, richer, smarter, more creative, skinnier, wittier...you name it. And it's a recipe for madness, such comparison. What a challenge to break ourselves out of it.
So, how's that for a random post? If you are home this week, wrapping gifts or making cookies or engaging in any such holiday goodness, I urge you to pull out your computer and listen to one of the above messages yourself. It's worth the time and the space in your mind.
Musings amidst the quiet, thoughts for a winter's afternoon.
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