Attachment

I've been thinking a whole lot lately about the story of the mother, Nadya Suleman, who had the octuplets. This real life "story" is upsetting to me on so many levels. In an age where I am watching friends struggle with infertility, it is difficult to watch a woman who already has six children bring another eight into the world...at once. For a woman who has struggled with mental illness, amongst other issues, to be singly responsible for the emotional and physical well-being of fourteen children, well, that scares me. I realize that statement is loaded with judgment, but I'm just being honest. It is truly frightening. To complicate matters further, my heart wept just a little more when I learned that one of her older six children has autism. When I see the needs of the children I work with daily, and imagine one in a crowd of fourteen children needing care, I cannot fathom how meeting his needs is humanly possible.

A piece I saw yesterday morning on the Today Show was perhaps the most upsetting yet. Two of the babies went home the other night, and the tv segment talked about the non-profit organization coming in to provide care and support for the babies. As part of the plan for care, the nurses will be taught to hold the feeding bottle in the same way as the mother, and the children will be swaddled in blankets that are scented like their mother. This is so they can "know her and attach to her."

This is just a little too ironic for me. Bottle angles and scented blankets will be the method for attachment. Attachment, the process that is about two human beings in relationship. This just breaks my heart. If the mother is unable to personally provide the energy, care and presence required to form a healthy, secure attachment naturally, really what's the point? I hate to be crass, but we dance therapists put pretty heavy stock in the importance of early attachment, and if the mother can't possibly provide the care needed for attachment as newborns, what makes one think she'll be able to carry out that attachment in her relationships with her children later on in life?

This is the gist of my distress. If you're interested in more attachment discussions, I could talk shop about that all day. Or go read this book. Changed my life.