this body

this body

30 years and then some

today, they felt each one

lined up next to freshman college coeds...all of us there to dance

for them, a class, one of many each day, each week

for me, an hour and a half of precious

a gift

to remind myself that i am more than...

a nurturer

wife

sister

daughter

mother. mother of two very small people.

two very small brilliant people who very much depend on this body

this body

that i am, can be, was, want to be. long to be.

a dancer.

this body that is indeed my own, but that does not feel like my own

that feels stretched and widened and imbalanced and pulled at and

well, sucked on

this body

this body connected to this mind that still thinks it can do all of the same things that it did as a college coed

pre 20, 25, 30

pre two little tiny humans

a body that is meant to fly but that at the moment is mostly thudding to the ground

this body

fighting off frustration, this

that is still mine, but that is also theirs

that must learn to reconfigure, rediscover, reshape

ground

to dance again

the same but immeasurably different

change.

this body that still needs patience

a little bit softer and easier approach to itself and to the world and to the marley floor

this body that i know so well and in this very moment of especially today that i don't feel like i know at all

this body that is not going anywhere, that i must learn to love

no matter how many hours, classes, days, months, years it takes

so that we can find a way to dance together again

body

this.